Thinking of divorce? Start here

For many of us, the first couple of weeks in January are a chance to ease back into the ebb and flow of work.

But for family lawyers around the world – including the US, Canada and the UK – January is hardly a month of rest. On the contrary, it’s typically their busiest month of year, with the first working day in January referred to as “D-Day” (that’s D for Divorce, by the way).

If you’re among the millions of people worldwide who believe that it’s time to do something permanent – yet necessary – to end your marriage and move forward with your life, then we’d like to share some helpful advice that we’ve learned over the years:

1. Make sure that you seek professional legal and financial advice.

What we see in movies, and even watch on court TV shows, isn’t realistic. Even “amicable divorces” can be very complicated, and there are enough rules, protocols and procedures to fill bookshelves.

Furthermore, judges have made it abundantly clear that all divorce litigants (that’s what you are in divorce court – a litigant) must follow procedures and provide the necessary information and documents. For a lot of people, especially if you have children and have been married for a long time, it is wise to retain and follow the advice of experienced professionals.

If you aren’t happy with your divorce decree, it will take extra time and cost to change it.

To help you get started:

• click here for a directory of local family lawyers, Certified Divorce Financial Advisors, and other professionals who can help you
• click here to read an introductory article on selecting your “Professional Divorce Team.

2. Access quality information from reliable sources.

As we all know, the Internet is a pool of vast amounts of advice. Unfortunately, that pool can sometimes be a cesspool – especially when it comes to important, life-changing topics like divorce.

No doubt, you’ll find plenty of “stuff” on the web related to divorce. Just be careful of what you read or watch. Some people who claim to be experts aren’t. Other people who claim to offer advice, are really just ranting, their opinions and insights may not apply to your (or anyone else’s) divorce situation.

At Divorce Magazine, we work hard to make sure that the articles and resources we offer are accurate and objective. In fact, a lot of articles are written by local professionals. Obviously it’s not unique advice for your case (you cannot get that from any article!). But it’s designed to help divorcing people get informed, and ask the right questions. We’ve also heard from countless family lawyers who appreciate working with better-informed clients who can help make the process more efficient and effective.

So, at the risk of being seen as promoting the content from DivorceMagazine.com, I am directing you to sections on our site that you will find helpful information:

• click here for helpful articles on considering divorce, and whether it’s the (big) step you need to take
• click here to read divorce advice from professionals
• click here to learn more about divorce settlements

3. Consider working with a therapist, divorce coach, or other trained professional.

Whether you’re the “cool as a cucumber” type or you “wear your heart on your sleeve,” the basic fact is that divorce is traumatic.

Even if you’re the spouse who initiated the divorce, and feel that you’ve been prepared to divorce for months or years, the emotional roller coaster of divorce can be unexpectedly bumpy – not to mention long and winding.

Aside from simply accepting that this is going to be a traumatic situation that could last for months or (more likely) years, we encourage you to work with certified mental health professionals who have experience helping people going through divorce.

Indeed, many family lawyers encourage their clients to work with a mental health professional, so that they can get the help they need during what will be one of the most difficult times of their life (whether they know it yet or not!).

To help you get started:

• click here for articles on preserving your health and well being during and after divorce
• click here for articles on divorce therapy, including how to break the news to your kids and help them during the process
• click here for articles on divorce recovery, and how you can safely and strongly move into your new life ahead

Ultimately, YOU Have to Take Control

While there will be people to help you make it through you divorce – including your family lawyer and other capable professionals who care about you and your future – the thing to remember is that it’s YOUR divorce.

And so, while you certainly don’t (and shouldn’t) do everything yourself, you do need to take an active role and commit to doing what you can to make the process as painless and inexpensive as possible.

The road ahead may seem difficult and maybe even impossible. But as scary as things may seem, keep in mind that millions of people around the world face the reality of divorce each year – and millions of them come through the other side, and enter into a new, better life that they could scarcely imagine was possible.

They did it…and so will you!